


Goner // John Laurens

by LattesAreMyDrug



Series: fics inspired by songs [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Based on a Twenty One Pilots Song, How Do I Tag, I cried 4 times while writing this, M/M, am i good writer or just weak, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-11 10:56:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13522797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LattesAreMyDrug/pseuds/LattesAreMyDrug
Summary: John kills himself and regrets it.





	Goner // John Laurens

**Author's Note:**

> "I'm a goner, somebody catch my breath"
> 
> Song- Goner
> 
> Artist: twenty one pilots
> 
> T/W
> 
> \- Suicide
> 
> \- Cutting
> 
> \- Other depressing stuff

John had been up all night crying, he never got depressed often, but when he did it was bad. He didn't want his boyfriend, Alex, to worry about him so he didn't say anything. A few hours ago he got called into a meeting leaving John alone with his thoughts. John went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife, he was shaking as he put the cold knife up to his skin, he slowly pressed down on it, feeling pain. 

 

He did that a few more times, each cut he made slowly went deeper. His wrist was now covered in blood, and so was the counter. He quickly cleaned up and went back to his room, he sat on his bed, staring at the clock, waiting for Alex to come home and distract him from what was going on in his head. 

 

He tried to think of other things, he wanted to be happy, but he couldn't be happy. 

 

He got up and left his room, he grabbed a sharpie and a notebook and started writing

 

" To whoever finds this, do not look for me. I don't want everyone around me to suffer just because I am depressed, I love you a lot, please don't miss me

xoxo John Laurens "

He put down the sharpie and put on some shoes, he didn't bother putting on a coat. He walked out of the house, usually, he would stop himself as soon as he got outside, go back in, throw out the note and go to bed, but this time he kept walking. He didn't even have a second thought, as soon as he got to the bridge he climbed over to the other side. Strangers were yelling at him to get off, and parents were shielding their kids eyes. He looked over his shoulder to see some news people there.

' how long have I been standing here' he thought, he quickly jumped, causing people to scream. he regretted it immediately, while he was falling, it was like it was in slow motion. the whole time he was thinking 'don't let me be gone ' 

Then.

He hit the ground.

He felt every bone in his body break, he knew he was going to be dead before the paramedics arrived.

'Am I dead.. or alive' he thought, trying to figure out whether this was just a nightmare, hoping that he would wake up to Alex hugging him.

but he didn't.

His vision slowly faded to black. He was a goner.

\--------------

Alex got a phone call halfway through the meeting, he left the room to answer it, expecting it to be John calling him to say he was going to bed, or Lafayette calling to tell him a story about something Hercules did that day. 

When he answered, he was met with a strangers voice " Hello, are you Mr.hamilton"

"Uhh yeah.."

"We have some bad news"

\---------------------

Alex left the meeting without saying anything, leaving everything there. He drove to the hospital, hoping he will still be alive and that this was all just some sick joke. When he got there, Lafayette and Hercules were already there, sitting by John's lifeless body crying. 

That's when Alex realized this wasn't a joke, Lafayette never cries unless something bad has happened. Alex sat down on the floor next to the bed and broke down, he ran his hand through John's hair, hoping he'd wake up and kiss him and tell him everything will be alright, but that can't happen. 

He regretted leaving for the meeting without getting someone to be there with him, he knew how bad he could get. Anyone would have been willing to stay there to make sure he was ok. Alex felt someone hugging him, he looked up and Lafayette was there. " This is all my fault," Alex said, " No it isn't mon Ami, you didn't expect him to do this" Lafayette said, trying to stop crying, Hercules joined the hug, trying to calm them both down.

When he got home, Alex found the note, he read it over, and over, hoping it wasn't real. 

but it was real.

\-----------------------------

Today is the day of the funeral, Alex has spent the past few days in his room crying, this will be the first time he has gone out since John's death. Lafayette and Hercules are staying with him so he won't feel lonely. 

the house was quiet. It was weird not hearing John laughing or talking about whatever art project he had planned. It felt like something was missing. Lafayette was making lunch for them, it was weird making lunch alone. Usually, when Lafayette came over and made food for them, John would 'help', meaning he would sit there and eat the ingredients while Lafayette actually made the food. 

Hercules was walking around, once he got to John's art room, he stopped. He walked in, he looked at the unfinished paintings. It was weird not seeing him painting. Hercules was getting emotional and walked out, he sat down in the living room.

Lafayette walked over to him and handed him a sandwich, he kissed his cheek and sat down. The two ate in silence.

Alex on the other hand, was in his room, hugging one of Johns many turtle plushies, crying.

\--------------------------------

The funeral went well, everyone that knew John came, even Thomas, he only went because he kinda tolerated John also he wanted to see Alexander cry, Aaron also came, because John did his art project in kindergarten, and he got a gold star on it, he felt like he needed to come. 

Lafayette, Hercules, and Alex spent the whole funeral crying and eating cake. While Thomas laughed at them because he is a dick, and Aaron just sat there watching them. 

When Lafayette, Alex, and Hercules got home they sat on the couch and fell asleep crying.

John was watching them through a window, he was sad because they were crying, "If this is what being a goner feels like, I don't think I want to be one anymore" he said before vanishing.


End file.
